I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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