I think my fart just growled at me.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
