So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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