Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
