i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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