I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
