Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Help. Why am I so naked?
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