We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
