Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I deserve this hangover.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
