I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
either way he was missing a nipple.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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