Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
