ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
