Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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