My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
