i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I look better un-naked...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
