there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
