there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
