After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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