So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
