i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
