I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he thought i was a dude.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
