I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
