Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
