I'm sorry my penis didn't work
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
