I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
