It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
