And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
