Tell her she can't have a vagina
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
