What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
