I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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