The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
