dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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