take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
