I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
