Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
