Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
