he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
