I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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