dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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