you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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