get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We need a shit load of segways right now
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
