I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
