If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
