I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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