Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
