a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!