The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed