The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
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To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
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The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.