My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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