I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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