So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.