you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
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When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
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Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.