you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Found your dick twin last night
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
