my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
