took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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