"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
