Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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