Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
