your thong is hanging out like whoa
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
