do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
