Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
