So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
