I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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