dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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