HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
