Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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