then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
