Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
