first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
