I think I died a long time ago.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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