Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
